You can do it!

What do you do when you obviously have nothing else to do? Well, you find a project, of course!

When we moved into our house, this little chest was perfect for our little TV and the little DVD player. Unfortunately, the little TV and DVD player were not perfect for my husband. He bought a bigger TV, which made due on the chest for a few months, but then somehow it seemed lonely. It needed a friend. A PS3 seemed to make it happy for a while, but then it felt inadequate again and needed better sound. Welcome to the family, dear surround sound. Add a Wii and various and sundry other electronic goodies, and the poor, poor chest just wasn't making it any more.

I went shopping for a replacement, and, Holy Smokes! Have you priced entertainment consoles lately? Yowzers! That was not conducive to my tight-waddedness. And everything within my tightwad budget was like reinforced cardboard that was still more than I really wanted to spend.

Now, here is something you should know about me. I can.not. shop at the Goodwill. Can't do it. I swear I get hives, fleas, and I have to shower and Febreze as soon as I walk out the door. Eww. But, I felt the call. The Goodwill beckoned, and I answered.

It may not seem like much, but, oh, it had potential. Plus, it was solid wood! And for $50 I shoved into the back of the van and hauled it home. And what you are thinking is what everyone else said to me. You know, the patronizing, "Oohhh, that's... nice." Just you wait.

A little sanding, some primer and paint, a couple of handles and some new legs, and .....

Voila!

Fabulous!!

I'm sure you agree that it looks amazing with my curtains and chair and chotskies.
Please ignore the baby wash cloths under the legs. Those are only there until I get those cool felt pad things. And I realize I need to rearrange the frames on the wall, but I was so excited I had to share!
Now I can feel like my TV shtuff is nice and organized while my children watch hours of television sitting in laundry baskets.

thirty

Rude.

James.

Carole emailed today asking for an update. I've honestly sat here a few times, even wrote something last night, but it wasn't right. It wasn't what I needed to say.

My brother is gone.

I knew it the moment we got the call. The Spirit confirmed it to me, but I hoped he was somewhere, holed up, fighting for his life. But the Spirit kept telling me he really is gone.

I've been wondering, since there must be opposition in all things, is there really anything so joyful that can be the opposite of the all-consuming pain of losing someone you love? How did Emma ever survive losing six children, and then a young husband? Did she ever experience anything that would bring her as much joy and happiness that could qualify as the opposite of the agony and despair she experienced? Today I received my answer. I live a truly joyful and blessed life. There are times that are discouraging, times of sadness and pain, but how many days of peace and happiness do I have compared to the days of grief? I wouldn't want to experience the sadness every day that would account for the opposite of the happiness and love I feel daily. So, big amounts of grief for small periods of time is ok. It makes me appreciate the days when there is no grief, no sadness, no despair.

When I am needing answers the most and listening the least, my Father knows how to get through to me. Song. When I'm not in a place I can just sit and listen, when I can totally focus on the Spirit, a song comes to me. Always the perfect song. Not always a hymn, but a song none the less. Once it was Wilson Philips' "Hold On For One More Day." No kidding. This week it has been a hymn. A reminder that I've needed every single day.

Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace

When other sources cease to make me whole?

When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,

I draw myself apart,

Searching my soul.

And the silly thing is, I know it. I've just needed a reminder to pray. I've kind of been on auto-pilot, worrying about my mom, worrying about my husband, worrying about my other brother, trying to function as a mother, all the while thinking, why doesn't everything just stop?! Can't the universe see a part of me has died and I just need everything to stop for a few minutes!?! And then a song comes to my heart and I pray and I can keep going.

I love my brother. He was a wonderful man. He had a lot of skeletons in his closet. So many questions a young boy whose father ended his own life would have. I pray every day that his hero, our dad, is with him and is helping James feel the love of our Savior. That they are asking and answering questions. That the testimony my brother buried years ago under anger and grief and pain is burning in his heart, waiting to be remembered, and that his death will bring some healing and peace to the rest of our family. My biggest hope is that he finally has some peace in his soul.

My brother will be a fearsome angel to behold.

I can't wait to see him again.

I love you Brother.

Take me back to the wild places where the mountains meet the sea, back to the last frontier back to my serenity. How long will it be until the only tracks I see are made not by man but by the animals of the forest the bears, wolves, deer and moose of Alaska. North to where time is measured not on a watch but by the ebb and flow of the tides, my wristwatch is the sun and moon, my calendar is the season. To be watched over by the ravens and eagles as they sit atop of a 800 year old perch sheltered against the squall as I silently stroll beneath across my moss carpeted living room to my bed of cedar bows. How long will it be before I am home again?

James Crawford, January 2010

Help.

Since you are my friends and I love you, I have some sad news. My little 25 year old, 200 pound brother is missing in Alaska. He went kayaking last week and hasn't been seen or heard from since. We just found out late Tuesday night and it has been very overwhelming, if you can imagine. The fishing boat he has worked on for the last few years has been searching for him, but a missing persons report was finally filed and so there is now a land, sea, and air search. He's a rugged, outdoors kinda guy so there wasn't a lot of worry until it had been a few days. We are pretty heartbroken right now. The weather up there is pretty bad right now and so we are truly preparing for the worst. Like him never being found. Of course we are hopeful, but there always needs to be a dose of reality.

I love my brother very much and I hope he is safe and at peace no matter where he is.

Is it just me?

Do you ever wish you could hit a redo button on your day? Like a Mulligan or something. Let's just pretend that didn't happen and try it again.

Let me tell you a little about my morning. Hyrum woke up at 5 am. Yuck. Sterling woke up yelling at Hyrum. Someone is going to die and it's probably going to be the five year old. Double yuck. Hyrum got ahold of Sterling's 100th day of school project, a plastic candy cane full of 100 pennies, and decided to dump it on the floor. Nice. I find a nasty, dark round thing sticking out of the dog. A tick. I don't think I can handle this. The sooooo pleasant five year old decides it's too much work to pick up all the pennies, plus the super grumpy three year old is "helping." Oh, yeah, I have to make sure all the pennies are there. You try counting to 100 with two demanding kids asking for whatever even though they have scrambled eggs and apple juice right in front of them.

I want a Mulligan.

That's what it's all about.

Thanks for the encouragement. Now I will keep on truckin'.

I just did up a letter for a dear friend complete with pictures and realized I haven't done a family update on the good ol' blog for a while.

Things are busy, if you can imagine. Brandon and I are trying to make our schedules mesh as much as possible. Sometimes it doesn't quite work out and that's one of the reasons we are soooo thankful to have Grandmas and Grandpas and Aunties so close. In fact,Saturday morning we had a scheduling crash and Grandpa came to the rescue for about an hour.

I went to our Stake Relief Society Conference that morning (while Brandon was with the Elder's Quorum cutting up a tree that had fallen during the recent wind storm) and it was wonderful. The focus was on our gifts or talents and it made me think a little. In fact, when I got the invitation and it asked each sister to list some of her gifts, I was a little taken aback! I always feel a little awkward/boastful/proud when someone asks what my talents are. Like I'm bragging. I don't like it. Besides, my greatest gift is not something I can really share with others. It is my family. Now I'm going to brag on them a little.

We just got Sterling's second report card. He's doing great. He's reading and writing, he's really good at math and logic, and he's staying on task. That was one of my big concerns because he gets bored with a project quickly, but now he's doing fab. He's such a great big brother. The other day Hyrum was at Grandpa's (he stayed the night!) and Sterling asked the next morning, "When is my brother coming home?" It was so sweet! Even though sometimes they fight like cats and dogs, for the most part they are great buds. And, he loves, loves, loves Jonah. He plays with him, helps feed him, talks with him, and likes to hold him, if Jonah will hold still long enough.

Hyrum has taken over the job of being Indiana Jones. The ONLY time he takes off the hat is when he's at church because I just won't let him take it in. He sings the Indy theme song whenever he is on an adventure, ie. going down a slide, somersaulting, jumping over cracks in the sidewalk, you get the picture. He decided that his bike is his Indiana Jones motorcycle, too. It is really cute.

He is also the family comedian. He says the funniest things. The other day I got off the phone with Brandon and Hyrum asked who I was talking to. "Daddy? My daddy?! Wow, Mom, that's coo." Notice no "l". It's coo. Funny. He was also entertaining the Nursery leaders a few weeks ago with the theme the Star Wars. They got a kick out that.

The sweetest baby ever born (at least to me) is Jonah. He is so easy-going, loving, and playful. He chases his brothers aroung the house army-crawling as fast as he possibly can. He eats two-fisted and can't get enough. Ever. Holding him is truly cathartic. He's so stinking sweet!

I just won a fabulous bracelet from the blog I told you I follow. Truth be told, that's the only reason I shared her with you. I can't help it! I'm totally selfish.

I also got to go on a date with my wonderful hubby Friday night. Dinner, time to talk, and a new sweater. Can't beat that! I'm also up to my elbows painting and updating a credenza I got at the Goodwill to use as an entertainment console. There must be something wrong with me. Oh, here's my latest craft project. I'm gonna make these for my craft show.

The Elder's Quorum President has finally figured out how to manage his time and his presidency to maximum effect. We're all into the swing of it. He's trying to figure out what to do with our yard once the tax return comes in and we're looking at tile to replace the kitchen floor. 'Cause we have nothing else to do... Oh, and we're going to build a chicken coop for some chickens we'll be adopting in March. This is how Brandon can be found every Thursday. He gets to work from home.

And we've added another member to our family. We adopted Jadyn this weekend. Yup, there is definitely something wrong with us.

Anyway, we are really doing great. We've been talking about the blessing we are promised if we hold up our end of the bargain, and though we are far, fffaaaarrr from perfect, we are incredibly blessed and we know it is because we are trying to live up to our side of the deal. We like that

we have a promise. "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise." And that, my friends, is what it's all about.