So, Brandon and I were asked to sing in church, which we did last Sunday. It has been a while since I've sung and I think I've lost my touch. Not that I don't sing in front of a large group every Sunday, but it's the Primary children and really I'm not singing. I'm cheerleading. Not really challenging or embarrassing. I've just totally lost my confidence and it's been really hard for me.
Anyway, today I went to our ward choir practice (8:30 am!!) and then to the Stake choir practice for the Forgotten Carols. I really debated trying out for a specific part and then Brandon got called to be the EQP and I figured we had enough on our plate. Now I'm really regretting it. But, how do you commit to such a demanding thing with a nursing baby? I don't know what my point is. Maybe that I miss singing and especially feeling like I sound half-way decent when I sing. I kind of feel like I've lost part of myself or something.
Just needed a vent. Thanks for reading, or not. Whatever the case, it's out there. Now I need a good cry and I'll get over it. :)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
My Rock
WARNING! This blog will be full of sentimental mushiness. Read at your own risk.
I've have been pretty emotional today. Not sure why. Possibly a conglomeration of the following: Hyrum is very sick which always makes me worried and motherly; I drove down to the temple with my sister a few weeks ago and we had a really nice talk about my dad; Jim and Pam are getting married on The Office tonight and the clip that keeps running makes me want to cry every time! (uh, if you don't watch The Office, tonight is the night to start, OR, you could catch-up on NBC.com); I found out Brandon thinks he got a concussion falling playing basketball the other night; I just read a cheesy blog post about someone else's wonderful hubby. Whatever the reason, I'm sure Brandon will kill me for this. :)
This is my favorite person in the whole world. He is fun, funny, caring, kind, crazy, happy, occasionally grumpy but for the most part sunny, he can sing, he whistles up a storm, and he has this amazing way of making everyone around him feel welcome. I don't know how he does it. I wish he could pass it on to me. He loves our boys SOOOO much.
I have been amazingly lucky to have had three awesome men in my life. My dad was the first and after he died there was a very vivid void. Many of you out there in my personal blog-o-sphere know a little, but I'm not great talking about it. If you can imagine, my dad's suicide was hard, but harder still was our home life. My dad was bi-polar and the slightest tick could set him off. Never toward me but our home was very tense so as an adult even almost 20 years later being in a situation where there is a lot of stress and aggrivation makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I withdraw totally and cry as soon as I am back in the comfort of my own world, even as soon as getting in the van.
The second is my now-dad Lloyd. He pulled me through. Honestly, I think I'd have been a knocked-up drop-out if not for him. I know you are all thinking that is impossible, but it's true. Just ask him. The huge hole my dad left was mostly filled because of Lloyd.
The final and absolutely irreplaceable is my wonderful, amazing husband. He just knows. He is my rock and he has the intuition to know when I feel like I've been taken back 20 years. He has changed his whole life plan for our family. Given up his childhood dreams and ambitions, which, by the way, he was on his way to seeing accomplished. He will go to bat for me when I don't have the cahones to do it myself. I know I am more important to him than anyone else. He's not afraid to call me on my bull. He let's me know when I'm getting homicidal with the boys. :) He works so hard to make sure we have a wonderful and comfortable home.
He is honestly my rock. I was considering, don't ask why, how I'd feel if I lost him. Lot's of people say they'd die without their spouse. I know that is not true. I'd pull through. I'd be a shell of me, but I'm a mom and I have others to take care of, so I'd survive. But I wouldn't want to. I already know what it feels like to lose the person who makes you feel loved and I don't ever want to feel that again. It's not that I couldn't live without him. I just don't ever want to. Ever. EVER. Life's too long to not have my stability beside me.
My sister hasn't found the right guy yet and I think she is amazing. She is strong and independent and ambitious. I have never been that person. I need someone behind me. I just like to look like I'm that person. :) Fortunately Brandon let's me be that person.
In case you couldn't tell, I love him.
I love you, Honey. Thanks for loving me and all my baggage. You are the greatest.
I've have been pretty emotional today. Not sure why. Possibly a conglomeration of the following: Hyrum is very sick which always makes me worried and motherly; I drove down to the temple with my sister a few weeks ago and we had a really nice talk about my dad; Jim and Pam are getting married on The Office tonight and the clip that keeps running makes me want to cry every time! (uh, if you don't watch The Office, tonight is the night to start, OR, you could catch-up on NBC.com); I found out Brandon thinks he got a concussion falling playing basketball the other night; I just read a cheesy blog post about someone else's wonderful hubby. Whatever the reason, I'm sure Brandon will kill me for this. :)
This is my favorite person in the whole world. He is fun, funny, caring, kind, crazy, happy, occasionally grumpy but for the most part sunny, he can sing, he whistles up a storm, and he has this amazing way of making everyone around him feel welcome. I don't know how he does it. I wish he could pass it on to me. He loves our boys SOOOO much.I have been amazingly lucky to have had three awesome men in my life. My dad was the first and after he died there was a very vivid void. Many of you out there in my personal blog-o-sphere know a little, but I'm not great talking about it. If you can imagine, my dad's suicide was hard, but harder still was our home life. My dad was bi-polar and the slightest tick could set him off. Never toward me but our home was very tense so as an adult even almost 20 years later being in a situation where there is a lot of stress and aggrivation makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I withdraw totally and cry as soon as I am back in the comfort of my own world, even as soon as getting in the van.
The second is my now-dad Lloyd. He pulled me through. Honestly, I think I'd have been a knocked-up drop-out if not for him. I know you are all thinking that is impossible, but it's true. Just ask him. The huge hole my dad left was mostly filled because of Lloyd.
The final and absolutely irreplaceable is my wonderful, amazing husband. He just knows. He is my rock and he has the intuition to know when I feel like I've been taken back 20 years. He has changed his whole life plan for our family. Given up his childhood dreams and ambitions, which, by the way, he was on his way to seeing accomplished. He will go to bat for me when I don't have the cahones to do it myself. I know I am more important to him than anyone else. He's not afraid to call me on my bull. He let's me know when I'm getting homicidal with the boys. :) He works so hard to make sure we have a wonderful and comfortable home.
He is honestly my rock. I was considering, don't ask why, how I'd feel if I lost him. Lot's of people say they'd die without their spouse. I know that is not true. I'd pull through. I'd be a shell of me, but I'm a mom and I have others to take care of, so I'd survive. But I wouldn't want to. I already know what it feels like to lose the person who makes you feel loved and I don't ever want to feel that again. It's not that I couldn't live without him. I just don't ever want to. Ever. EVER. Life's too long to not have my stability beside me.
My sister hasn't found the right guy yet and I think she is amazing. She is strong and independent and ambitious. I have never been that person. I need someone behind me. I just like to look like I'm that person. :) Fortunately Brandon let's me be that person.
In case you couldn't tell, I love him.
I love you, Honey. Thanks for loving me and all my baggage. You are the greatest.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Trying not to be bitter
OK, I just have to complain a little, which I really shouldn't be doing. Have you ever moved into a ward and not really felt quite right? Not that the church isn't true, just that you don't quite know how you fit into the equation? We've almost been in our ward for 10 months and we've been invited to two people's houses. One is our friends and we've been back and forth, but it wasn't until Brandon was called as the EQP that we got our second invitation and suddenly this guy is Brandon's best friend. That's bugging me! And the fact that nobody had taken the time to get to know us. That's bugging me too. It kind of feels like our student ward in Pullman. Like I don't quite fit. I don't know. It's just been hard for me this weekend. I'd like for someone at church to care about us.
So, I'm going to be the person who cares. Since there doesn't seem to be a family that goes out of their way to welcome new members, or maybe there is but we got overlooked, I'm inviting the new people to our house. Starting this Sunday. Granted there are very few days now that we get to spend together but I know it is important. Especially if I'm feeling kind of lost, that must mean there are others feeling kind of lost as well. Well, not any more, not if I can help it. Even if don't come out of it with any friends, I'm at least going to make sure people feel welcome in the ward. It's such a shame, too, cause I think we have a really great ward.
So, I'm going to be the person who cares. Since there doesn't seem to be a family that goes out of their way to welcome new members, or maybe there is but we got overlooked, I'm inviting the new people to our house. Starting this Sunday. Granted there are very few days now that we get to spend together but I know it is important. Especially if I'm feeling kind of lost, that must mean there are others feeling kind of lost as well. Well, not any more, not if I can help it. Even if don't come out of it with any friends, I'm at least going to make sure people feel welcome in the ward. It's such a shame, too, cause I think we have a really great ward.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Fat and happy
Jonah is the fattest, happiest baby. He has an easy smile and giggle. He gets really stressed when there is tension or fighting, even if it is just playing. He also gets startled pretty easily. The other day Brandon had one of his famous blow-the-walls-down sneezes and poor Jonah got scared to death! He LOVES talking to his brothers and gets so happy to see his mommy.
He was 17 lbs 4 oz at his last check-up. 97th percentile. And I don't remember how long he was but it was the 93rd percentile. He's a giant. We call him fat baby. I call him beauty boy. I just think he is so beautiful!
He was 17 lbs 4 oz at his last check-up. 97th percentile. And I don't remember how long he was but it was the 93rd percentile. He's a giant. We call him fat baby. I call him beauty boy. I just think he is so beautiful!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Experiments in Dinner
We had a ton of corn given to us by some friends, and a ton of zucchini and tomatoes from our own garden and I didn't know what to do with it, so I decided to make a cook it all together with some potatoes and burger. I got to chopping everything up and thought the veggies looked yummy by themselves, so I put just the veggies in the pan with some salt, garlic and parmesan figuring if it turned out badly I'd just compost it. Well, surprise! It is fantastic!!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
OMSI
As an end of summer hooraa we went to the hands-on science museum in Portland. It was pretty amazing. We went with my friend Paige, and her two girls Olivia and Maggie. Olivia is Sterling's age and they are great friends and Maggie is Hyrum's age, so they are good for each other. They have pretty similar temperaments so they are learning not to hit and to share from each other. :)
There is a big science playground there with tons of hands-on stuff for little kids. I think Maggie and Hyrum would have spent the entire time at this water table. Even though they had on boots and smocks, they were pretty soaked!
This was a different part with really cool water-propelled rockets, an inventors room, an earthquake house, a centrifugal force table, this rocket they could climb in, and I can't remember what else. It was awesome!
And this is just a super-cute pic of Maggie. Had to add it.
There is a big science playground there with tons of hands-on stuff for little kids. I think Maggie and Hyrum would have spent the entire time at this water table. Even though they had on boots and smocks, they were pretty soaked!
This was a different part with really cool water-propelled rockets, an inventors room, an earthquake house, a centrifugal force table, this rocket they could climb in, and I can't remember what else. It was awesome!
And this is just a super-cute pic of Maggie. Had to add it.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Kindergarten!!
Can you believe I actually remembered to take some pictures?!? This was on our way to the first day which was really more a parent-teacher conference. We got to get to know what to expect a little and Sterling got to explore the classroom. He was so pumped to go.
His Spiderman backpack. He also has a Spiderman lunchbox and watch. It was a Spidey kind of day.
Hyrum had to take his backpack, too. He was ready for Kindergarten as well.
And here we are outside his school. We had to pack a lunch and then we had to eat lunch on the grass because why would you pack a lunch and then not eat it at school?? Come on, Mom.
Finally, waiting for the bus. That was the most hard for me. He didn't even look back. :(
Now a cute story. I got an IOU in his take-home folder the other day for a breakfast charge. At first I was really confused and thought he was telling them I didn't give him breakfast but then I got to the bottom of it. They get off the bus and go directly to the gym where they are also serving breakfast. Sterling, being the curious boy that he is, decided to see what they were serving. The first day was biscuits and gravy and he didn't like that so he didn't get any. The next day they were having a cinnamon bar (don't know what that is, I assume like a coffee cake) and string cheese. He was all over that! I was mortified.
He loves the idea of eating breakfast at school since he goes half days and doesn't get to eat lunch there. So, we had a discussion about how we eat breakfast at home and we compromised that he can take a snack in his lunch box to eat when he gets to school. This morning I packed him a snack with a note that he could indeed eat it (there was some confusion about it yesterday, they thought he was trying to eat his lunch) but he still went to check out what they were cooking. He said it was a hamburger and oranges. Had to have been a sausage biscuit. Anyway, he said he really wanted it but since we had talked about it he didn't get any. I guess I'm going to have send him with money so he can buy breakfast at school a couple times a week. Crack me up!!
Anyways, he is doing great and after one full week of school is asking when he gets to go full days. I'm just not ready for that, especially since I am planning on homeschooling him after this year. We'll see.
His Spiderman backpack. He also has a Spiderman lunchbox and watch. It was a Spidey kind of day.
Hyrum had to take his backpack, too. He was ready for Kindergarten as well.
And here we are outside his school. We had to pack a lunch and then we had to eat lunch on the grass because why would you pack a lunch and then not eat it at school?? Come on, Mom.
Finally, waiting for the bus. That was the most hard for me. He didn't even look back. :(
Now a cute story. I got an IOU in his take-home folder the other day for a breakfast charge. At first I was really confused and thought he was telling them I didn't give him breakfast but then I got to the bottom of it. They get off the bus and go directly to the gym where they are also serving breakfast. Sterling, being the curious boy that he is, decided to see what they were serving. The first day was biscuits and gravy and he didn't like that so he didn't get any. The next day they were having a cinnamon bar (don't know what that is, I assume like a coffee cake) and string cheese. He was all over that! I was mortified.
He loves the idea of eating breakfast at school since he goes half days and doesn't get to eat lunch there. So, we had a discussion about how we eat breakfast at home and we compromised that he can take a snack in his lunch box to eat when he gets to school. This morning I packed him a snack with a note that he could indeed eat it (there was some confusion about it yesterday, they thought he was trying to eat his lunch) but he still went to check out what they were cooking. He said it was a hamburger and oranges. Had to have been a sausage biscuit. Anyway, he said he really wanted it but since we had talked about it he didn't get any. I guess I'm going to have send him with money so he can buy breakfast at school a couple times a week. Crack me up!!
Anyways, he is doing great and after one full week of school is asking when he gets to go full days. I'm just not ready for that, especially since I am planning on homeschooling him after this year. We'll see.
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